Most classrooms have celebrated the 100th day of school, survived the 100 days of January, and are now braving these last winter weeks. The pressure of preparing students for the next year is in full effect. Students are more comfortable and their behaviors can become trickier. Or persistent behaviors can become more frustrating. This is a time of year when teaching can be its most difficult (check out my recent post on Powerful Ways to Simplify Your Teaching Life). The ways we talk and think about students can reflect our exhaustion and overwhelm and make everyone feel inept. As we look forward to spring, let’s reflect on how to hold ourselves and our students capable.

How we talk about students shapes how we think about them

Most teachers are uncommonly good at saying hard things in a positive way. We might vent to a colleague, but we know how to rephrase struggles when talking or writing to parents. But we must go beyond just using “nicer” words to deliver the same ideas. We have to believe different things about students. Practicing how we talk about students can help us “fake it til we make it,” so to speak. 

All the educators I have the pleasure of working with care greatly for their students. They show up day after day, spend countless hours planning and thinking about their students’ academic and social-emotional development. And yet, I still hear teachers using words and phrases that don’t match this level of deep dedication and love. Like calling students “unmotivated,” “disrespectful,” “attention-seeking,” “disruptive,” or “manipulative.” These words certainly don’t sound like a teacher holding anyone capable. In pondering this dissonance, I wonder how the often-rigid educational systems we grew up in, and/or teach in, shaped our beliefs about kids and their school behaviors. They may unintentionally make us view certain language as accurate instead of problematic. 

Use asset-based language

One way to approach this shift is using asset-based language instead of deficit-based language. With deficit-based language, we constantly focus on what students can’t do, rather than what they can. It happens when we hyperfocus on shortcomings and inadequacy, or when we blame students for behaviors that frustrate us rather than trying to understand them. This can lead to stereotyping and stigmatizing. More commonly, it creates a seemingly constant uphill battle for teachers because there’s always something to “fix.” Again, shifting this isn’t just about using nicer or more positive language. It’s about centering the humanity of our students and being curious about what they’re experiencing. It’s about truly seeing their strengths, talents and capabilities.

This doesn’t mean we ignore things that aren’t going well, or behaviors that impact learning. It means we don’t blame students for their tricky behaviors or blame ourselves for the fact that they happen. This doesn’t help us or our students grow, learn new skills or become more capable. Instead, we can reframe how we talk and thus think about students. 

Reframing how we think and talk about students

Interpreting tricky behaviors as a student’s failing or as our own failing passes judgment on what we can or cannot do. This makes it hard to show up every day and willingly give our time and energy to our students. But there’s another way! After all, kids do well if they can, as Dr. Ross Greene would say. Let’s look at some examples for reframing how we talk and think about students. 

Students can and will behave in ways that impact learning or hurt feelings (ours or their peers). When this happens, instead of blame or judgment we can re-frame the student action as an “oops.” We can even use a practice called wishing them well that recenters kids and adults alike. 

When a student is constantly talking over us, it’s easy to be upset and call them disruptive or attention-seeking. We might assume they don’t care about us or the lesson. We might get down on ourselves for having no control over our classroom. But reframing this experience and assuming we are all capable can help. Notice how much energy the student has and consider ways to channel it with new learning activities. Reflect on how they may be seeking connection rather than simply attention. Examine how long we’ve been talking and ways to give students more input and airtime. Highlight that this student may still be working on building impulse control. Brainstorm (or ask for help with) more ways to teach and practice this skill.  

Consider when students don’t tell the truth. We often call them liars, disrespectful or even manipulative. We might decide they think very little of us. But reframing might lead us to remember times when we didn’t tell the truth and ponder why. Perhaps the student is afraid of a consequence or an adult’s judgment. If they fear making mistakes, including letting others down, this may be a protective response. We can find more opportunities to build trust and connection and model mistakes. We can plan ways to practice skills like taking responsibility for our actions and engaging in repair. 

These examples hold us and our students capable. They highlight the opportunity to be introspective, empathetic and curious about why students do the things they do. Thinking about them as a whole person whose behaviors are communicating something important highlights a need. This can help us feel more capable and effective in supporting our students. It will help our students grow and learn. Tricky behaviors are not a reflection of who we are as a person, nor of our worth as a teacher. We can hold ourselves and our students capable by reframing how we talk and think.

Language is very powerful. Language does not just describe reality. Language creates the reality it describes.
― Desmond Tutu

Recommendations for diving deeper:

• Kids Do Well If They Can (article)
• Conscious Discipline Podcast
• Raising Human Beings: Creating a Collaborative Partnership by Dr. Ross Greene